Coaching often gets confused for consulting or mentoring or teaching. But it is none of those. Coaching requires you to do the hard work of thinking, says Clare Norman, author of a new book Cultivating Coachability, published this month.
Like the saying about not having a dog and barking yourself, you may wonder why you, as a seasoned professional, would pay someone only for you to do the thinking for yourself. But here’s the thing: a solution that works for someone else, even if they are in your arena of marketing or communications or business development, will not work for you. Your ways of seeing the world require something tailor-made for you.
If there was a one-size-fits all answer, you would be able to find that on the internet with a quick search. And for some problems, that might serve you. No need for a coach at all in that instance.
But for the thornier issues, you will need to understand yourself first, what makes you tick, what your needs are and what you want from life and work.
The coach’s role is to enable you to explore the metaphorical territory and then to support you to customise ways forward. Your coach will enable you to access your own inner wisdom. Not because they are being difficult, but because they know that you are more likely to follow through when you have found a way forward that is bespoke for you.
Think about it: when someone tells you what to do, how committed are you to taking action? You’ll likely find yourself saying that this doesn’t quite fit with who you are or what you value.
If you are signing up for coaching, know this: there is no pixie dust that will magically make things better once you have described the problem to your coach.
You are responsible for the thinking, sensing, feeling that will lead you to new awareness.
You are responsible for stepping up, whatever that looks like for you.
You are responsible for the outcomes.
Be prepared for digging deep: looking at what’s working, what’s not, how you feel about that, what you value, your beliefs (limiting or otherwise) and much more.
Youcreate value in coaching, not your coach. Your coach will support and challenge you to catalyse that value but ultimately, you need to be willing to make self-determined changes. You won’t be forced to do anything you don’t want to do, but there is no point in investing your precious time and money if you don’t intend for something to be different.
But before change comes the thinking. Yourthinking, feeling and sensing. This is not an intellectual exercise, but rather an exercise in accessing all of your multiple intelligences, as that’s where your wisdom is hiding.
Don’t come to coaching because you feel you should. Come because you want to.
Don’t come to coaching because your boss wants you to work on something to do with your marketing or business development or comms. Come because you want to work on something – whether that is the same or different from what your boss wants. Your coach can help you to get clear on what that something might be, but have some idea about that before you start.
Don’t come for coaching if you see it as more socially acceptable to be working with a coach than a therapist. If therapy is the better fit for your needs right now, invest in therapy instead (or alongside coaching). As an expert in your own field, you’ll appreciate the need to find the right fit for the task at hand.
In summary, your mindset for coaching means that you must be willing and able to:
– Embrace your role as thinker in the coaching process (to think).
– Move beyond known thinking to new thinking.
– Find answers that fit your unique needs, personality and context rather than a one size fits all.
– Believe in your capacity to be creative, resourceful and whole.
– Use your head, heart and gut to access new thinking.
– Experiment in coaching and outside of it.
– Focus on yourself and who you wish to be, not just the problems you need to solve.
This is how you will get the best return on your investment in coaching: recognising that your role is to think.
Clare Norman is author of ‘Cultivating Coachability’ (to be published October 2024) and founder of Clare Norman Coaching Associates. Clare is a Master Certified Coach (MCC) with the International Coaching Federation (ICF), a Mentor Coach and a Certified Coach Supervisor. She has a Masters in Training and has received multiple awards for ground-breaking leadership development. For over 25 years, Clare has focused on maximizing individual, team, and organisation effectiveness, enabling people to express their needs, in service of a more caring world. Clare’s two previous books are ‘The Transformational Coach (2022)’ and ‘Mentor Coaching: A Practical Guide (2020)’. For more information see: https://clarenormancoachingassociates.com/
